


Regret

by MadamPoptart



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M, Post- Something Borrowed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 19:04:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4071139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadamPoptart/pseuds/MadamPoptart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I understand and no matter how much I know I'll regret staying... I always will because I love you. "</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret

Ianto Jones was a simple man, he got up every morning at a quarter to five, got ready and went to work. After work finished he went home, went to bed and repeated this action. Well this is how Ianto liked to think of it or how he had explained it to his sister when she had asked. In a way the Welshman had grown indifferent to alien life attempting to take over the planet and rationalized that his job was an everyday job. Honestly Ianto felt if he had disappeared tomorrow no one would notice not even his lover. Ianto rarely saw his sister or had any contact with her so how would she know?

  
Maybe that’s why he was sitting at his assigned table, nursing a glass of wine, watching Jack, the same Jack that made love to him a few nights ago, pressed closely against Gwen freaking Cooper… Williams? Ianto sighed sinking a little lower in his chair, he didn’t mean to throw a woe-is-me party but here he was doing exactly that.  
Ianto looked over in search of Tosh when he spotted the young Japanese woman dancing with Owen. Ianto smiled over at the pair ‘at least one of us is happy’ Ianto thought as he downed his glass.

  
“Ianto looks sad” Tosh murmured softly as she danced in Owens arms.

  
“Harkness is the cause no doubt” Owen sighed as Toshiko and him twirled around the dance floor.

  
“Should we say something?” Tosh asked

  
“And get in the middle of that? Yea nope I’m good” Owen snorted and shook his head

  
“Ianto has been through enough for someone so young” Tosh murmured as she rested her chin on Owens shoulder. Owen only nodded, thinking back to when he had to evaluate the entire team about the events of the cannibals.

  
**Flashback**

  
“ _Oi! TeaBoy! Your turn” Owen called after the Welshman that was tidying up the hub. Ianto sighed and walked calmly to the conference room where Owen was set up for the day. Owen asked Ianto all the routine questions and Ianto answered them without breaking eye contact or hesitation. Almost as if the answers were practiced and thought through._

_  
“Are we finished?” Ianto asked coolly, not revealing anything_

_  
“Yeah….” Owen answered eyeing him “You know its my fault if you go off mad so ya better get on with it”_

_  
“I’m fine” Ianto stated simply before making his exist_

  
**End flashback**

  
“We shouldn’t get involved” Owen said again more to himself as the song ended “want a drink?”

  
“Alright” Tosh nodded and followed Owen to the bar still keeping her eye on the young Welshman.

  
Ianto stood up when Gwens mother nudged him “Ma’am” he said “what can I do for you?”  
“You’re with the American, Jack?” Gwen’s mother asked and Ianto didn’t know how to answer because they had never defined it. What were they? A couple? Friends with Benefits?

  
“In a way” Ianto shrugged, the alcohol making him looser than normal and blunter, that’s what Owen told him anyway he thought as a side note.

  
“Don’t you want to get a dance in?” the mother whispered

  
“I…” Ianto looked over at his lover and team mate dancing closely together “I wouldn’t want to interrupt..”

  
“What is there to interrupt she is a married woman?”

  
“Right then” Ianto said and downed the glass of Tosh’s abandoned wine before heading over to interrupt Jack and Gwen’s dance. Dread filled the young Welshman as he approached… well maybe not dread…sadness? Envy? Fear?

  
“May I…i..uh ?”The minute Ianto uttered a word to interrupt them he had regretted it. The look from Jack itself was painful enough to send him back to the table for another glass of wine but Ianto had never been a coward so he simply cleared his throat and asked to cut in.

  
Jack and Gwen kept eye contact, the moment broken by Ianto’s interruption. Gwen pulled away realizing there was in fact another world besides Jack “Yes” she murmured with an embarrassed smile, she was surprised and not surprised at the same time when Ianto went to dance with Jack.

  
Ianto wanted to run. He could feel Owen and Tosh staring at him and he could feel Jack’s attention was not on him. ‘ _You’re just a part time shag. Second Best’ the voice in his head reminded him_

  
Dancing with Jack was bittersweet. The closeness made Ianto’s heart ache and his head spin. Ianto’s heart would beat faster and the butterflies in his stomach would beat rapidly ‘ _You’re just a quick shag nothing more’_ the unhelpful voice that sounded a lot like his father would sneer in his head. Jack didn’t take notice to Ianto’s pain he was too absorbed in the memory of his own wedding and knowing now that even if he was attracted to Gwen he wouldn’t have her.

  
-

  
Ianto was silent on the way back to the hub, too many thoughts racing through his head and too much pain to sort through. Ianto was glad Toshiko had asked him to ride with her and he was also grateful for the Japanese woman filling the silence with talk of her dance with Owen. Ianto listened and commented. When they pulled up to Ianto’s house he moved to get out but was stopped by an arm on his shoulder

  
“Ianto are you alright?” Toshiko asked worry glistening in her eyes

  
“I’m fine.” Ianto replied with a polite smile “its been a long day is all”

  
“You sure?”

  
“Yes” Ianto smiled “Goodnight Tosh”

  
Toshiko watched as the Welshman made his way inside the building before she pulled off the curb and called Owen

  
“Couldn’t stay away huh?” Owen asked cheekily as he plopped down on his bed.

  
“I’m worried about Ianto” Tosh admitted, glad Owen wasn’t here to see her blush which quickly faded when she heard Owen groan

  
“What can we do about that at 3am?” Owen asked “I’ll talk to him at a reasonable hour”

  
“Right sorry.” Tosh sighed “I’ll just leave you to it”

  
“Tosh I’m worried about him too but there not much I can do if he won’t open up” Owen mumbled into the phone “The only person he does open up to is Jack Bloody Harkness….. if he wasn’t paying me I would shoot him again” The comment earned a slight giggle from Tosh

  
“Jack can be such a block head sometimes” Tosh added and it was Owens turn to chuckle.

Tosh had just pulled up to her flat which was surrounded by police cars, ambulance and firetrucks. “OH no”

  
“Tosh?” Owen sat up as he listened for his teammates reply but when he got none he started to worry “Toshiko? Are you okay?”

  
“The flat under mine had a gas leak” Tosh grumbled into the phone and Owen let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

  
“I thought something bad happened. Don’t just say ‘oh no’ and not answer” Owen replied, imitating her voice on the ‘oh no’ part

  
“Careful I might start to think you care” Tosh attempted to joke but it wasn’t funny when pain flooded through her chest “Anyway I need to find another place to live for the next week”

  
“You could come stay at mine” Owen did not mean to say that out loud. “For the night I mean” It felt like ages before Tosh answered

  
“A-alright” Tosh stuttered and cursed herself for it “I’ll be over shortly then”

  
-

Ianto stared in the mirror his eyes sad and a frown on his lips “So this is what is left” he muttered “I can survive Cybermen but not some stupid wedding” he wanted to be angry with himself for letting Jack in and he wanted to be angry at Jack for breaking down the walls he carefully constructed but all he felt was that stupid aching.

  
Ianto texted Tosh **"get home okay?"**

**  
"Actually my flat had a gas leak"**

**  
"You can stay here if you want"**

**  
"Thank you but Owen already offered :) "**

**  
"Be safe ;)** " Ianto hooked his phone to charge and existed the bathroom.  
The Weleshman sighed and started to pulled off his clothes, getting ready for a shower. He briefly touched the scarf on his knee from breaking his leg or when his father pushed him on the swing just a bit too hard causing him to break his leg. “Never think ill of the dead” Ianto told himself as to shake the memory away. He showered and dressed for bed, carefully counting all the things that needed to be done tomorrow. Ianto glanced at the time seeing it was five am. “No point in sleeping then” he said, getting dressed then heading to the store and stocking up on whatever they needed.

Ianto hadn’t felt happiness since Torchwood One until he met Jack, saving him from a weevil. When they hunted and captured the prehistoric bird that loved chocolate it gave him meaning again. The memory always brought a smile to his face. Jack was like a blazing flame that would never go out and Ianto was the moth that would fly towards it surrounding it. Jack gave him meaning again.

‘ _I love him’_ Ianto thought idly but he didn’t feel joy upon realizing it he felt that bloody ache. ‘ _He will / **never** / love the stupid coffee boy’ that damn voice again, the voice that always seemed to be right. ‘You’ll never be good enough’_

  
Ianto stood up a little taller as he entered the hub, grocery bags in hand, he normally arrived at 5:30 AM but it wouldn't hurt anyone to arrive thirty minutes earlier. The Welshman made his way to the kitchen, setting the bags down and putting them away the whole time going through his mental check list.

  
"Ianto?" Jack questioned as he came from his bunker, looking at the time "you're early". Jack ran his eyes over his lover, seeing the bags under his eyes and the sadness hidden behind blue eyes

  
"Good Morning Sir. Coffee?" Ianto didn't stop his task, determined to finish. Whenever the young Welshman was upset he would focus on work and usually overwork himself.

  
Jack flinched at the word 'sir', the term was normally endearing but now it was professional just like it had been when he came back after his trip with the doctor. "You okay?"

  
"I'm fine" Ianto replied smoothly, risking a glance at Jack which he immediately regretted.

"Did you need something?"

  
"No...... Did you get home okay last night?" The immortal questioned and Ianto nodded

  
"Yea Tosh drove me home" Ianto responded, forcing himself to do something other than stare at Jack "Then she went to Owen's"

  
"About time" Jack muttered

  
Ianto nodded "Tosh wouldn't stop talking about their dance"

  
"They danced?" Jack asked and Ianto stilled for only a moment before nodding

  
"You wouldn't have noticed" Ianto muttered to himself as he brewed coffee for the both of them. Last night Jack was reliving his own wedding and got caught up in the moment with Gwen not realizing he had hurt the younger man.

  
"You're a great dancer" Jack flirted in which Ianto snorted before handing Jack a cup of coffee

  
"Your coffee sir. If you need me you know where to find me" Ianto said and made a quick escape, up to feed his favorite prehistoric bird leaving a confused Jack.

  
-  
Tosh awoke when an alarm went off "turn it off" she mumbled to no one in particular  
"You turn it off" Owen grumbled back and put a pillow over his head. Poor Owen had no idea that would lead to him being kicked off the bed because Tosh was not a morning person. "Help a girl out and she kicks ya outta your own bed" Unfortunately this only earned him a grumble and a pillow to the face.

  
Owen sighed as he turned off the alarm, the events of last night still fresh in his brain. How could you forgot a night like that one?

  
- **Last night -**

  
_Tosh called Owen once she was outside his flat and he came down to meet her before they rode up the elevator._

_  
"Thank you for this" Tosh said as they arrived at Owens flat._

_  
"Don't mention it" Owen said "drink?"_

_  
"Sure." She replied and set down her bag and jacket, leaving her in the dress she wore to the wedding "I didn't know you were such a great dancer"_

_  
"Yea. You weren't half bad either" Owen grinned as he got both of them a drink_

_  
"Thank you" Tosh blushed_

_  
"Maybe we could go dancing and teach you some moves" Owen offered, he meant for it to come out cool and calm but it was more nervous. 'Bloody feelings'._

_  
"Do you mean that?" Tosh asked "or are you messing with me?"_

_  
Owen was shocked by her response but he couldn't blame her, he never gave her another reason to think otherwise "I would like it if we went dancing again. It was nice"_

__  
Tosh smiles and looked down at her glass of wine Owen handed her "I'd like that too"  
Owen looked at tosh and that's when it hit him. 'I love her' he thought "fuck it" he said and strode across the room before taking Tosh's face in his hands and kissing her. Tosh gasped before she kissed Owen back. 'Oh my god I'm snogging Owen Harper'. Once they broke they were both panting. Owen rested his forehead against Tosh's

_  
"I love you" Toshiko blurted as she stared wide eyed at Owen._

_  
"I know" Owen smirked at her "I love you too"_

_  
Owen lent Tosh a pair of his sweat pants and shirt. Tosh was blushing and nervous as they climbed into bed but Owen didn't want to just have sex, for the first time in a long time he simply wanted to hold the female in his bed._

_  
For the first night since Katie's death Owen didn't have nightmares_

  
- **present** -

  
Owen smiled fondly at the Japanese woman "oi! Sleeping beauty it's time to go to work"  
Tosh sat up and glared at him "I'm calling in ill"

  
"Good thing you have a doctor here" Owen said and crawled into bed, kissing her which clearly improved her mood "but we'd be leaving Ianto against Harkness alone"

  
Tosh sighed "alright but what am I going to wear to work? All my clothes are at my flat"

  
"So we can pick some up from the store on the way" Owen answered "let's go shower"

  
"As soon as you take me out on a proper date" Toshiko smiles at him "I'll shower first"

  
-

  
Ianto came up from the archives when Toshiko texted him, she was on her way over. Careful to avoid Jack, he made two cups of coffee and left them waiting at both of their stations before returning to his domain.

  
-

  
Jack couldn't figure out why Ianto was upset so naturally he went to ask Tosh about it. He walked out of his office "Tosh can I see you in my office?"

  
"Sure" Tosh nodded, finishing what she was doing before going to the immortals office

"Yes?"

  
"Do you know what's wrong with Ianto?"

  
"It's really not my place"

  
"Tosh please"

  
"My lips are sealed"

  
"Alright then" Jack sighed and went to call Owen up. Owen sighed as he climbed up the stairs passing his what? Girlfriend now? He didn't know what they were but he winked at her anyway just to see that blush on her cheeks.

  
"Harkness" Owen said as he slid into the chair "what do you want?"

  
"You're the team doctor" Jack started and Owen sighed "what's wrong with ianto?"

  
Owen crossed his arms "you really don't know?" Owen let out a bitter laugh when Jack didn't respond "You're bloody blind! Ianto doesn't deserve how you treat him. Hell Ianto doesn't deserve how most of us treat him! I'm just a bloody doctor not a couples counselor! Listen Ianto, the poor sod, loves you and he is just your part time shag! It's not my business but if you keep leading him on he is going to break. That is my diagnosis" Owen got up and stormed out of the office muttering about bloody immortal dickheads.

  
Jack sat there stunned before he started to run last nights events in his head. Dancing with Gwen, looking back at her when he was dancing with Ianto, giving her his full attention all day. As if realizing it for the first time, his brain flashed to the hurt looks across his lovers face and how Ianto became more hesitant throughout the day. He acted like he was losing a lover.

-

Ianto sighed as he logged in an alien artifact that turned people pink when touched by the spray. ' _She's beautiful'_ the voice in his head supplied "not very smart though" Ianto muttered in a reply to the voice ' _he breaks the rules for her_ '

  
**Flashback**

  
" _You really think you could go back to your old life before Torchwood?" Jack asked and Gwen set her jaw_

_  
"I wouldn't know anything different" Gwen replied_

_  
"I would" Jack's voice was heavy with emotion. Gwen stared at Jack with pleading eyes and he gave in "give Rhys my love and I will see you tomorrow"_

  
**End**

  
' _He would know the difference if she was gone but not you.....no you're just the tea boy'_ That. Damned voice mocked him "stop" Ianto said allowed without intention and ran his hand over his face "please stop" he murmured quietly to himself.

  
"Stop what?" Jack asked and Ianto's eyes darted to the source

  
"Nothing sir just talking to myself" Ianto replied and turned back to his work "do you need anything?"

  
"No... Just came down to see my favorite Welshman" Jack flirted with a charming smile. Ianto blinked at him before returning his eyes to the screen

  
"Well you've seen me" Ianto said coldly "you can leave now" To say Jack was taken back by the coldness he just received was an understatement

  
"Listen Ianto I'm-" Jack started his long apology when the rift alarm sounded

  
"It will have to wait" Ianto said and stood "danger calls" with that Ianto left Jack in the archives.

  
-

  
"Can you distract it?" Jack asked

  
Ianto nodded "of course sir" Ianto ran to where it's eye level was growing rocks and other things at it.

  
"Ianto look out!" Toshiko called before the tentacle picked Ianto up and was swinging him around.

  
This provided just enough time for Owen and Jack to inject the sedative which didn't work because it seemed to be getting stronger. At this point the tentacle alien was slinking into the water with Ianto still in its clutches. Ianto didn't scream though because he didn't feel pain it's like this thing was taking it away.

  
"Tosh! What the bloody hell is it doing?" Owen shouted watching as his team mate started to glow gold.

  
Tosh was holding her handheld scanner "it's.... It's feeding off his pain. It's getting stronger!"

  
"Tosh you and Owen try to shoot off its tentacles. I'll give it another sedative" Jack ordered the team and they sprung into action. After a few rounds the tentacle holding Ianto broke which ended with Ianto in the water and Jack sedated the alien.  
Owen dove into the water and pulled Ianto out while Jack was dealing with pulling the thing ashore. "Oi! Tea boy can you hear me?"

  
"No" Ianto responded with a groan which made Owen smirk slightly

  
"Your well enough to act bitchy that's for sure" Owen teased as he checked isn't is vital signs which all were clear. "Let's get you back to the hub and warmed up before we both get hypothermia"

  
-

  
Back at the hub Ianto was in the bathroom taking a nice long hot shower and he didn't know if it was the water or tears that slipped down his cheeks. That stupid thing liked to replay all the pain you've ever felt, it didn't only feed off your physical pain but your mental pain too. God knows he has enough of that.

  
Once Ianto was dressed and sitting on the locker bench he heard Jack come in "I apologize I didn't mean to make you guys wait so long." He said standing up

  
"No it's okay." Jack said standing in front of the young Welshman "Ianto I'm sorry"

  
"For what sir?"

  
"For acting like that at the wedding"

  
"Don't be sorry for your feelings. I understand letting Gwen be with another man was difficult"

  
"No Ianto it's not like that"

  
"It is. We are always on repeat sir. An example being when you allowed Gwen to break the rules because you would know the difference if she was gone" Ianto brushed off dirt on Jacks shirt " I understand and no matter how much I know I'll regret staying... I always will because I love you. So if you'll excuse me I have to get my suit to the dry clearers" Ianto pressed a soft kiss to jacks lips before leaving the locker room leaving a shocked Jack.

  
Jack stood there gaping like a fish "what..... What the...... Ianto!" Jack chased after the Welshman "Ianto! Stop!!"

Ianto was just about to get on the lift when he turned to Jack "sir?"

"Can you give me a second to explain?!" Jack walked up to Ianto his eyes stormy with unexpressed emotions

"There's no need" Ianto stated an unreadable mask covering his emotion after all Tosh and Owen were sitting at their stations wide eyed.

"There is a need dammit." Jack glanced over at Toshiko and Owen before turning his head to Ianto "My office now!"

Ianto sent the newly formed couple an apologetic look before following his lover, making sure he wouldn't cry again before he entered the office.

Jack was sat at his desk with a box in his hand "you were wrong" he stated "I don't have feelings for Gwen. I never did"

Ianto didn't even blink before replying "You don't need to lie to spare my feelings sir. Really i understand"

"Dammit Ianto! I wasn't upset about Gwen getting married. It was just a flashback to when I was married" Jack said and handed a picture to Ianto from the box. Ianto stared down at the picture thinking 'maybe I interpreted wrong' but then the voice came back 'alright maybe he is just upset about his past marriage but what about all those other times. Remember when he watched Gwen on the CCTV with Rhys or perhaps all those times he'd save Gwen over you.'

"I'm sorry for overreacting" Ianto whispered quietly ' _submission as always'_ the voice mocked

"You didn't overreact" Jack said his voice softer now as he got up and came closer to his lover. "I don't love her okay...... I.." Jack couldn't say it. He had lost so many people he just couldn't "her relationship with Rhys, her normal life is what I'm envious of. Gwen will get to grow old with the one she loves but I can't. I can't grow old with you Ianto"

Ianto stepped closer and allowing Jack to wrap his arms around him "I'm not sparing your feelings cariad" the immortal soothed "I'm so sorry for making you think that she was more important than you"

Ianto lost his composure and allowed himself to cry because he had been holding it for so damn long. He hated how broken he had become. He trusted Jack with every fiber of himself and he refused to be the one causing his captain pain. Somehow they ended up on his couch, Ianto in jacks lap with the immortal whispering soothing words while he caressed his lover.

-

Tosh took Owens hand and led him across the hub "we need to give them space"

"Can we give them space and look at the CCTV?" Tosh asked after a moment. I mean if Owen did it it could be okay right?

"Well Ianto is my patient so I should know what's going on" Owen said and that was it they both hurried to a computer where they pulled up the footage and listens/watched.

-

After they had everything wrapped up with the alien and making sure Ianto wasn't hurt. tosh and Owen were sent home while Ianto and Jack curled up in Jacks little home under his office.

"Thank you" Ianto murmured as he laid against Jacks chest "for so long I'd assumed I was second best"

"You'll never be second best" Jack stated and pulled him close "Not to anybody. I promise" Ianto closed his eyes and willed away that ugly voice in his head telling him Jack was lying because dammit Ianto deserved to be happy.

That night Jack eased all Iantos fears of being second best and not as good as Gwen. They talked the entire not so when dawn broke Jack told the others to take the day off so he could spend the day pampering Ianto.

-

This didn't mean jack would stop flirting with others because that was his personality but he didn't flirt with Gwen not anymore. Not after seeing Ianto so broken. Jack always made sure Ianto knew where his affections lay. When they attended Tosh and Owens wedding Jack made sure to pay extra attention for to his lover,


End file.
